Front End Faith or Back End Believer - (Part 3 - Why?)

Depression is like twilight.  Everything begins to dim as the sun sinks in the horizon. With the exit of the sun comes a creeping darkness and sometimes an unsettling chill.   It’s harder to see in twilight.  Our vision can’t always adjust to the incoming darkness and everything in our view is skewed with a greyish blurred cast.   Depression is like that; dark, chilling and our perceptions of people and our life situations become skewed and blurred.

I think every person who has ever taken a breath has moments of depression.  Many suffer from it on a daily basis; and “hanging on” to the light becomes an everyday battle.   A personal battle with depression was the catalyst for this study.  My first clinical (fetal position) depression was over 24 years ago.  Hitting the “proverbial wall” was an eye opener and took several years for me to get my mind and heart around.  I would like to say that as a “Godly” woman, I simply prayed my way out of it.  That wouldn’t be true…I wasn’t able to pray.  But…others were praying fervently for me.

In time, the depression passed and life was so much better.  It felt good to be a stronger and different person. I learned much and let go of a lifetime of hurt.  God moved in my life and I began a journey with him that daily took me to extraordinary new places.  Surely…I would never be depressed again?  

…Then, about five years ago – Bam!  Unbelievable pain, loss and “twilight” engulfed me.  This time however, I knew what it was and “why” it was there.  This was the time for “face down – floor hugging prayer”.   My tears flowed, my heart broke and on that floor my heart and spirit cried  “God, this one is yours.  I don’t even want to try to get myself out of it”.  In that moment I surrendered all pain, hurt, ego, personal efforts, people I loved, my plans and control to Him.  I stood up from that floor with only the memory of “twilight”, confidant that God had a plan even in this; and a desire to see what God would do with it.   The peace that came over me was miraculous and brought with it a joy that I could not begin to explain. 

2 Corinthians 8:2that in a great trial of affliction the abundance of their joy and their deep poverty abounded in the riches of their liberality.

1 Thessalonians 1:6And you became followers of us and of the Lord, having received the word in much affliction, with joy of the Holy Spirit,

Did the cycle of depression end here?  Yes… but the attacks of depression can come at any time.  The “twilight” can begin to dim my view and I feel the chill coming.  For the most part, I have become more aware that keeping the “light” on keeps the “dark” out.   The “light” is Jesus.  The life that I know daily live has become surrendered instead of “my way”.   I am intentional in my relationship and my desire to grow in holiness.  That can be difficult when the world can take you on an opposite journey. 

Philippians 4:7 New Living Translation (©2007)Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

This is my "Why" for Front End Faith.  I want joy and peace before, during and at the end of anything life throws at me.  That's the differance between "thriving" and "surviving"!  This is huge and probably difficult for some of you to believe but we are promised:

John 14:27 New Living Translation (©2007)"I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart.
And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give.
So don't be troubled or afraid.

This blog was created to share with you what I have learned about radically changing your life and growing in a relationship that will change you forever.   It is a journey that begins with one step and from there a continual walk that will take you to a place you probably think is not possible.